Becoming Me in NYC
A new adventure. New York City. Recording my original music with someone other than Josh and Bradley. I'm fucking EXCITED! I'm nervous. I'm skeptical. A part of me is saying, "you 33 year old bitch....you left a good life to play a young persons game....are you CRAZY???" Then the other half of me says, "shit, you should have done this 10 years ago, but 10 years ago you weren't the person you are now. Not even close. Go get it. You have one life, ONE LIFE. Even if you never become "famous" and you just continue to sing covers and make a modest living off your original music...you've made it!" My schizophrenic mind is having a hay day right now.
But let's throw all that bullshit out and look at the bigger picture. I've "Gone Through Hell (wink wink hint hint)" to get to where I am now, to becoming me. To knowing myself better than ever before. To daring to live my life the way I want to live it. No preconceived notions, no "suppose to". Just me, Sarah Judkins, the 33 year old girl from Oklahoma who has been skeptical her entire life to just...live. And here I am. Crass yet caring, outgoing yet freakishly shy, talented yet still climbing the Mount Everest of today's music industry. I'm proud of myself. There, I said, I'm proud. I've fucked up....BIG TIME. Made mistakes, hurt people, hurt myself. But I've grown. I don't feel sorry for myself, I own who I am. The life I've lived up till now. The life I want to live. I'm daring to be ME.
It's such a simple concept yet sooooo many people, especially women don't feel the freedom to be who they are. Not because of anyone else but themselves. Because of how they were raised. The need to please. To do what they think they're suppose to do...whatever the reason may be. But at the end of the day my parents are still proud. They still hug me and tell me how much they love me. They still brag about me to their friends like I'm 6 years old in the school talent show. I put those limits on myself, nobody else. And I'm here to break them. Agism, sexism, whatever reason lingers over me telling me it's too late. My bones tell me something different. My heart tells me, fuck it, at the end of the day what will I regret more, not trying, or trying but failing? I'd rather fail and say I tried. I'd rather touch a few hearts with my story and connect with a few people then stare at another goddamn wall in a cubicle because I'm "suppose to".
So here I am, in NYC. Getting ready to record two of the most personal songs I've ever written with two young guys I've never met and I'm over the moon about it. It's the beginning of my journey, the real me. The me I've been hiding for too long. I feel more and more comfortable in my own skin and it feels AMAZING!