The Art of Moving Forward
Like so many artists I feel like I'm plagued with a creative case of schizophrenia. Juggling life in all its beautiful colors and wanting to take a bite out of everything. Conflicted, passionate, desperately sad, comfortable, jarred and inexplicably happy. All emotions I can sometimes feel in a single day. Staring at blank pages so desperately wanting to create, yet frozen. Watching time tick by like a fucking race horse, yet I remain in the same place. Feeling like my feet are dangling in quick sand, not completely immersed, but enough to slow me down. 2015 is almost here and I'm tired of wading through quicksand. So I'm embracing the art of moving forward. Moving beyond fear or pain and embracing what I so badly need in my life - my art, my passion, my music.
Music has become quite the dirty word in certain aspects of my life, yet it still enriches me beyond belief. I feel it's pull on me. This inescapable magnet that brings me to it, no matter what state my emotions might be in. I've always sang, played an instrument, and scribbled words on paper. Yet somewhere down the road playing an instrument and writing became massive points of insecurity for me. Why wasn't I better? Why didn't these things come as easy to me as singing did/does?
Over the last few years I've been writing, working on my craft but most importantly, myself as an artist and person. It's been incredibly hard yet so freeing. I wish I was one of those artists that came out of the womb knowing exactly who they are (does that actually happen?) but it's been a massive journey for me. And like my husband says - you can't force creativity, you just have to embrace it when it comes. So here I am, sitting in the Tom Thumb parking lot typing like mad on my phone. My creativity is boiling inside of me more than ever and I'm ready to embrace it. Without fear of judgement or loss, with 100% certainty that I'm finally being me. Honest and open. I guess I hope at the end of the day my words and music can inspire or comfort those going through the same thing. Or just bring joy and a reason to bob your head. Because as I've gone through this process, talking with other people, I realize I am far from alone. All of us crazy, schizophrenic, passionate dreamers have a universal thing in common...we're all being pulled by the same magnet.